The Substitutes; or Murphy's Law
by DemonDancing
Summary: Dende has rashly agreed to a dare: to torture Gohan... And live. So what happens when a harrassed secretary prays to Kami for help finding subs? Murphy's Law and Lexi kick in of course!
1. Daring Dende

A/N: I shouldn't be doing this, and I KNOW I shouldn't be, but I have to anyways. I have the perfect idea and I'm not sure how long it's going to stick around ^_________^, This is the second story in the 'Lets Wreck the Nice Structured Life of Our Dear Demi Saiya-Jin Son Gohan', the first being the Field Trip; or Murphy's Law. Now I proudly introduse… (drumroll please)

The Substitutes; or Murphy's Law

T-chan; *cheers wildly* Go Lexi! Go Lexi! Oh, hi there! My name is Tessa-chan, and I'm her *yanks Lexi's tail* muse!

Yipe! Stop it baka!

T-chan; As a warning, watch out for the first scene, it's drunk people talking so it might not be all that easy to read…

*whacks T-chan* Can it muse! I want to start the story now.

Vegeta; what about me woman?

Oh yeah, this is my mate Vegeta! Wave 'Geta!

Vegeta; *growls menacingly* No way!

*shrugs* couch.

Vegeta; *scowls, waves*

And now…

Disclaimer; Take a shot. Do I look like Akira Toriyama?

T-chan; No comment.

WHAT THE FUDGE!?!?! I am a GIRL!!! How DARE you even THINK that I look like a guy!!!

T-chan; *sweatdropps* uuuuh… HELP ME!!!! *runs away screaming*

~ Chapter One; Daring Dende ~

~*~

It was the annual god get together, and all the kais and kamis from all over the universe were gathered at the Supreme Kai's planet for a much needed break. It was late by now and the party was in full swing, groups of drunk gods lounging all over. There were loud voices and story exchanging coming from all corners of the large palace as they did their very best to milk the once in a century party for all it was worth.

In one sheltered alcove, a disgustingly drunken Dende tittered at an equally drunk Jade, Kami of another planet. He was busily telling her a story about Gohan's exploits that had both gods in stitches, although it was a rather boring story to say the least… 

Jade giggled, her alcohol flushed face breaking into a toothy grin. "betcha cou'nt do it!" 

Dende scoweled fiercly. "cou'nt do _wha_'? Ah c'n do *hic* ANYFING! *hic*" 

"I betcha cou'nt tormen' dat boy an' wive!" 

"he ma frien'! Course ah can!" 

"den pruv it!" 

"Fine, ah will, buh wha's in it fer me?" 

At this the girl cracked an even larger grin. 

"den da wittle Namek's Dragonbahs get mer p'werful!" 

Dende nodded decisively. "okies Jade I do it." 

"pwomise?" 

Dende nodded drunkenly, and Jade crowed triumphantly, throwing her arms around the fellow god. "thankies Den-chan!"

~*~

Dende groaned and sat up, rubbing his pounding head in a vain attempt to ease the throbbing headache that now raged in his head. 

"Awake I see" 

Dende glanced up, focusing his eyes on the white cat with difficulty. He groaned and let his eyes slide shut again, the light hurting his eyes too much to be left open. 

"Leave me alone Korrin." 

"If you're sure… I brought you a senzu bean, but if you don't want it…" 

Dende jerked his head up, forgetting in his eagerness the pain it would cause. He remembered too late, and immediately regretted the over-quick movement when pain lanced through his skull. 

"Aaaah! Damn it! Friking hangover!" 

"tsk tsk _Kami_, such language!" With a tiny smile the cat gave Dende the bean. 

Dende eagerly popped it into his mouth. A moment later his hangover was gone and he was ready to begin another day as Kami of Earth. Suddenly he remembered what he had promised Jade the night before and he groaned, feeling a headache of a different sort welling up behind his eyes. He seriously considered disregarding it… but he _had_ promised, and if he didn't he would loose the respect of his fellow gods. 

"Ah _crap_."

~What can I possibly do that will satisfy Jade AND leave me alive long enough to get that reward…~

He sighed hopelessly and flopped on the edge of the Lookout, watching half heartedly as the humans went about their business. Suddenly a plea to Kami reached his ears, and he perked up immediately.  A slow grin spread over his face as he rubbed his hands together – hell, he might as well have fun while signing his death warrant!

~*~

Miss Tengler sighed with frustration – that was the SEVENTEENTH teacher who had called in sick this morning! She'd been able to get a couple of regular subs, but most were either busy or unwilling to come at such short notice. She messaged her temples and stared at the dwindling number of available subs. What on earth was she going to do?

~Dear Kami, help me find some subs! PLEASE Kami-sama!~ 

Suddenly a little file caught her attention, blinking softly as if to attract her attention to it. 

"What on earth…" 

She clicked on it, full of curiosity.  She nearly sobbed with relief when she realized it was a list of more substitutes – she was saved! 

"Thank you Kami-sama!" 

She picked up the phone, confident that these people would be able to sub - after all; Kami-sama was on her side!

A/N: dun dun dun! That was just a teaser, I probably wont continue until I'm done with the Field Trip. However, I wanted to get this out now, to let you know that I'm still alive and writing, even if I have writers block on some of my other stories. *bites lip sheepishly* I'm sure you know where this is going, trust me though, we'll have plenty of fun getting there! *insane grin* 

T-chan; Looky Looky! *squeals excitedly* I'm in the story under my 'Saiya-jin name'!

Vegeta; You aren't a Saiya-jin baka!

T-chan; *pouts* Maybe not really… *brightens* But I'm an _honorary_ Saiya-jin!

Vegeta; according to whom?

T-chan; *sticks tongue out at Vegeta*

Vegeta; *ki blasts T-chan*

T-chan; X-X

*shakes head* you two are truly hopeless. Pathetic really. -_-;;


	2. Language Arts with

A/N: Just when you thought that I'd gone and done everything I possibly could to poor darling Gohan, the sadist in me comes up with yet another potentially damaging situation. Just to clarify some stuff: this is Gohan's first year at high school and no one knows any of Gohan's secrets. 

Vegeta: *smirks* I think I'm going to enjoy this story. 

T-chan: Noooo, ya think? 

Vegeta: *glares at her* yes, I _do_ think - unlike some others around here. 

T-chan: *sneers* You shouldn't insult your mate like that dumbass! 

Vegeta: *smirks again* You are just proving my point brat. 

-_-;; Kami. it's like a battleground in here! By the way Tessa-chan, where did you get that cast? 

T-chan: *sniffles, Bambi eyes, trying to get as much pity as she can* Vegeta crushed my elbow! 

*raises an eyebrow* I didn't realize they came standard like that in the hospitals. 

T-chan: *blinks, looks down at the Dragonball Z decorated cast* Uh. they don't. 

Shucks! I was thinking about trying to antagonize my brother so I could have one too!

  
Disclaimer: I own Dragon Ball Z! I also own my highly deadly ^chopstix^ and I know how to use them. If anyone comes in here and tries to sue me… Kami help him, Lexi is armed and dangerous!!! ^___^  
  
  


Videl glared at her watch in frustration. Only five minutes till school would start and still no sign of her wayward friend Gohan. ~Damnit! Of all the days to be late…~ Granted he was nearly _always_ late, but still!  

Scanning the halls for any sign of him, her irritation only mounted as they began to empty of the throng of students that usually resided there. ~Shit, so much for wanting to talk to him before class!~ With a last look around the halls and at her watch, she joined the thinning throng of students, hurrying towards her 1st period class. 

She slipped into her seat, barely on time. Glancing around, she noted the presence of her two blonde friends, and the absence of her dark haired companion. 

Sharpener followed her gaze and snorted derisively, though not un-fondly. "Hmph, our pet nerd seems to be missing today. How very odd, it isn't like him to miss a class." 

Erasa glared at the mocking tone and swatted him on the back of the head with her hand. "Shut up Sharpener, just because he's smarter than you doesn't make him a nerd. Though I am happy to see that you've finally mastered the fine art of sarcasm." 

Sharpener shrugged and slouched indolently in his chair. "Hey, not only is he a straight A-er, the guy is naïve as hell. In _my_ book that classifies him as a nerd, and a backwards mountain boy at that! Admit it- he has no social life and he spends all of his time on homework and commute to school!" 

This time it was Videl who swatted him into silence, causing a bit more damage. The trio settled down, a bit surprised that their teacher hadn't yelled at them yet. Their Language Arts teacher was a tough old bat who didn't tolerate talking in the least bit, even from Hercule's daughter. Ever sharp eyed, Videl was quick to divine the answer; their teacher wasn't there. Passing on the information caused an outbreak of chatter and gossip, and Videl merely watched with mild amusement. Unfortunately for the talkers, their chatter was short lived. 

The door opened and the biggest man any of them had ever seen edged into the room, needing to squeeze to fit through the door. Silence spread as the class struggled to adjust to the giant man. He was wearing a nice dress shirt and tie, slacks, and nice shoes. His bearded face wore a hearty grin and glasses perched on his nose. The only things disrupting the business like apparel were the odd ox horned helmet and the fact that the man topped legendary Hercule in height, weight, and muscle. Despite the friendly smile, the students found themselves edging away; there was something about this man that inspired both fear and respect. 

The giant set a small bag on the teacher's desk, and smiled pleasantly. "Hello kids, I'm Gyu Mao, the Ox King. I'll be your sub for today, seeing as your teacher is sick. You'll have to kinda work with me here," he rubbed his neck self consciously, "I'm sorta illiterate." 

The class stared; not only was his name 'Ox King', their Literature teacher was illiterate! Sure they were learning about paradoxes, but this seemed a bit extreme... 

Suddenly one of the class history buffs gasped in startled recognition, looking up from his much read copy of 'The Biographies Of Modern Kings'. "Hey! You're THE Ox King! The one who hoards gold on the top of Mount Fry Pan! You and your ruthless daughter terrorize the countryside, killing everyone who opposes you and stealing their money! And it's rumored that you trained under the Invincible Old Master, The Turtle Hermit!!!" 

The class laughed nervously, sure that he was just joking. I mean- they had all learned about the Ox Kingdom in Social Studies, but that didn't mean it was _true_ did it? Everybody knew that history was just gossip from the past that they learned in school, right?

Ox King merely gave the kid a half smile, rather amused at the recital of his personal history. "Your book must be outdated – I stopped hoarding gold nearly 20 years ago when my 'ruthless daughter' got married. And yes, I did train under Master Roshi, as did my son in law and his grandfather." 

There was complete silence as the class struggled to absorb this new information through their thick little skulls. 

Suddenly the door flew open, drawing the eyes of a bemused class to a wind tossed Gohan standing framed in the doorway, excuse dying on his lips as he saw the man standing at the front of the room. The Ox King looked over and beamed, booming a greeting to his rarely seen grandson. "Gohan my boy!" 

Gohan squeaked as he was pulled into a bone-crunching hug, to the further confusion of the class. "Uh… Hi grandpa, nice to see you, too. Um, what are you doing here? And would you mind putting me down? I can't breath." 

Ox King gave a hearty chuckle, letting Gohan go and slapping him good- naturedly on the shoulder. Videl could hardly believe the scene in front of her; this giant was the grandfather of stick-skinny Gohan??? And why didn't he at least stumble when the man hit him? This was all pretty strange. 

~and wait a sec, if he's Ox _King_, does that make backwoods-boy Son Gohan a _prince_!?!?~ 

Before she could voice her questions and revelations though, Ox King spoke up in reply to his grandson's questions. "Well, your teacher is sick and somehow the school got my phone number as a sub." He shrugged slightly, "I would have said no, but the lady sounded desperate and," he beamed at his bemused grandson, "I wasn't about to do anything that might make your mother mad at me." 

Gohan had to agree to that point, and shrugged slightly before a rather un- Goku like glint appeared in his eye. "I'm still a bit curious as to how an illiterate warlord expects to teach a high school literature class." 

The Ox King responded to his grandson's gentle teasing with a smirk of his own. Bowing ever so slightly, the giant gave his answer by lumbering up and sitting down in Gohan's chair, causing those near to edge away a bit. "I'm not going to. You are." 

Gohan stared at the grinning man in horror, then slapped his forehead in mock horror. "Gee, thanks for reminding me where mom gets it from. Will Kami never stop torturing me?" Shaking his head in mock despair, Gohan gathered up the teacher's notes, muttering about getting lots of extra credit for this. Running the class with brisk efficiency, he managed to end the class without running past the bell, a fete that their regular teacher had yet to manage. He was quite aware of the fact that the only reason that anyone was listening to him at all was the gigantic presence of his grandfather among their ranks, but Gohan didn't really care one way or another. He'd be more than happy to escape this particular situation with even a shred of dignity and good reputation left. 

~Dende, when school is over, expect a little visit from yours truly.~  
  
*  
  


A pleased Dende sat back, watching the scene with faint amusement. He often had a bit of fun tormenting Gohan in little ways, and this was proving to be even more entertaining then usual. He was well aware of the fact that today would be different - both in the magnitude of his torture, and also in the number of death threats Dende was likely to receive. Granted, he was used to getting at least two death threats a week from his human friend, but not three or four dozen an hour as he was now anticipating. 

Hopefully for his continued immortality he would be able to explain the situation before his enraged friend actually _carried out_ any of his threats… A thought suddenly popped into Dende's mind; if he could explain the situation to Gohan _before_ the day got any more complicated… 

~ Jade never said anything against it, though if I wait too long she probably will.~ 

The young god was just about to make the telepathic communication when a small explosion and a poof of heavily perfumed smoke interrupted him. Whirling around, he came face to face with Jade herself. Steeling himself, he slowly extended a hand in greeting. The ethereal girl-child smirked and clasped his hand warmly. 

"Well met Den-chan, I'm ecstatic to know you began our little project so promptly!" She smiled prettily; tucking her cropped jade-green hair behind her ears. Dende bit his lip, bracing himself for whatever it was she undoubtedly came to tell him. Their friendship was an odd one, but it was firm, and he knew that she'd make the risky venture worth his probable death. 

"I want to iron out some particulars in our little deal now that neither of us are… indisposed. First off; no telling him what your motives are, that would take the sport out of it!" 

~Damnit, there goes that idea.~ 

She caught his wince and continued merrily. "Secondly; you have to approach him at the end of the day. I know what your chosen torture device is, and I've decided that you have to be his last sub of the day." At the look of utter terror on his face, she snickered lightly before continuing. "To make this all worth it, I will up your Dragonball wishes to 4 and increase the number of times you can raise the dead from 1 to 3. Is this acceptable?" 

The terror had warped to a gleam of prospect and Dende nodded firmly. "Alright Jade, as long as you promise to carry through with it, you have yourself a deal!" 

Clasping hands, they both signed a contract that disappeared off to who knows where, then bade each other a friendly good bye. With a flutter of iridescent wings, the beaming girl disappeared, leaving behind another cloud of perfume. 

It took a full minute before the extent of his deal dawned on the doomed god, and he slumped to the floor. He had only been sitting there for a couple of minutes before he became resigned, then rather proud. After all, the rest of the Z gang faced life-threatening situations for the good of the Earth and the sacrifice of their lives all the time! Now he would be more worthy to be counted among their ranks! 

Besides, ever since Gohan had started high school he had wanted to do something like this; not necessarily on this large of a scale, but still... 

He was bound and determined to have fun. Leaving a note for Mr. Popo about funeral plans, he settled back on a leather recliner at the edge of his lookout. Grabbing a Pina Colada from Frozenflower's story, he settled down to relax and ignore the rest of the world's problems, and just focus on enjoying the last few hours of his life.  
  
A/N: Funfun! All done with chapter two! I should have the next chapter out fairly soon since I have it written already. I just haven't typed it up yet. 

T-chan: *sleazily* Gee Lexi-sama, I would offer to type it up for you, but my arm. I bet Vegeta would be happy to! 

*glares* You think that I would actually let Vegeta TOUCH my computer?!?! I thought it was your arm messed up kid, not your brain! 

Vegeta: *smirks* The arm was recent. The brain issue has been building. 

T-chan: *snarls, leaps at him, clawing* 

Vegeta: *holds her at arms length* See what I mean? 

T-chan: *still trying to kick, claw, and bite, though totally out of range for all weapons* 

-_-;;


	3. Math Class With

A/N: *shrugs* I don't really have a lot to say this time, my original author notes got deleted by my )*&%%&$^%#*&^%)^_) of a brother. As did my entire story… My mailing list knows the juicy details… *sighs* Anyhoo, I don't really feel like giving you a big author notes, live with it till next time.  Or better yet, join my campaign for Death To Evil Older Brothers Who Dare To Destroy Their Sister's Precious Story Files.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, including a couple of stories that I had two days ago. 

It felt like a lifetime for Gohan before he class was finally over.  As soon as the bell rang he was out the door, grabbing his books and waving to his grandfather on the way out.  

He hurried through the halls towards the locker he and Sharpener shared, trying to put as much distance as possible between him and the last class.  He was just putting away his books when Videl came up, opening her own locker.  She was clearly irritated, so Gohan didn't try to make small talk with her, simply letting her get straight to the questions she was obviously dying to ask.  

"Kami Gohan!  Why didn't you _tell_ us you were a prince?!" she exclaimed as Sharpener and Erasa joined them.  Without waiting for him to reply, she continued on briskly.  "You know who _I'm_ related to, and I bet if Sharpener or Erasa were related to someone famous _they'd_ tell us, so why didn't you?!"  

Gohan shrugged nonchalantly. "You don't know the _half_ of it," he muttered under his breath, but allowed Videl to keep talking over him rather than use that excuse on her...  

"And where _were_ you this morning?  I wanted to talk to you!  We _never_ get to talk anymore except a little at lunch and between classes!"  

At this point Erasa joined the conversation, still a bit daunted by the memory of the Ox King, and wanting to direct the conversation back towards their last class.  "Videl has a point about talking there Gohan, but what _I'm_ still kinda curious about is how on earth someone that HUGE could be related to someone as skinny as you!"  

"Yeah!" piped in Sharpener, elbowing Gohan away from the locker so he could access his own books.  "I mean, he looked almost as strong as _Hercule_ and you don't have an ounce of muscle on you!"  

Slightly miffed at the implied insult, Gohan barely restrained the smart aleck comment he would so dearly love to make, but luckily for Sharpener's continued health, he decided to laugh it off as he did to so many other comments.  

So armed with their books, the four friends made their way through the thinning crowd in the hallway towards their second period math class.

*

Krillin sighed and rolled over in bed _not_ feeling like answering the phone right then… but the ringing was persistent and Juu was already outside training… With a sigh and a muffled curse, he tumbled out of bed and shuffled towards the kitchen and the phone.  

Passing the living room where Roshi sat, raptly watching his early morning aerobic show, Krillin cussed, telling himself yet again that one of these days they _would_ get their _own_ house.  Making his way to the phone, he picked it up on the last ring, again cursing the fact that Roshi hadn't picked it p yet, despite the fact that it was probably for _him_.  

"Hello, Kame House.  Sorry, but the master is not taking on new students right now.  Try again in a few years- or at the very least in a few more hours."  

He was about to hang up the phone when a frantic sounding female voice stopped him.  Blearily bringing the phone back up to his ear, he acknowledged his continued presence and listened, slowly waking up.  

"Hello sir, are you Mr. Krillin?"  

"Uh huh."  

"Hi, I'm Miss Tengler, the secretary for Orange Star High School.  We've just had a large number of teachers call in sick, and we're desperate for substitutes.  The school has your  name listed as a possible math sub.  Are you available today?"  

Krillin blinked; h_im_ a _sub_??? Were they _joking_!?  

~Wait a minute- we want a house, and we wont be able to buy one without some cash…~ 

"Sure miss, uh…" 

"Tengler.  Thank you _so_ much sir!  Will you be able to make it by 8:00?"  

"Sure thing!"  

"Great!  Just come by my office when you get here and we'll have all the information that you'll need."  

"Okay then, bye."  He was about to hand up when the woman spoke again.  

"Just a sec!  We have another possible at this number, a," 

~please don't suggest Roshi…~ 

"Mrs. Krillin?"  

He blinked for a moment, _Mrs. _Krillin???  To the extent of his knowledge he was the only Krillin in this household, and he was most definitely _not_ a girl… 

~well, they've gotta mean Juu…but Mrs. _Krillin_?~  "Uh, yeah… sure, Juu can sub too as long as one of us can bring along our three year old."   

The woman sounded _very_ relieved as he said that, and hastily agreed.  With cheerful goodbyes on both sides, they hung up, Krillin feeling _much_ better than he had been when he woke up.  

"Who was that?"  

Grinning, he turned to face his wife, who was standing in the doorway.  "_That_," he began with relish, "was OSH.  We're substituting today!  With the money we'll make, we should be able to buy our own capsule house cheep off Bulma!!"  

Juu nodded slightly- she'd been bugging him for the past several years to get their own house, and if putting up with a bunch of hormone driven teens so be it!  After all, she was basically a teenager too… "What about Marron?  There is no way in hell that I'll leave my baby girl with that old pervert you call 'master'."  

Krillin's grin broadened.  "I never even considered it.  We're going to take her along!  She's a sweetie, I'm sure she'll behave…" (a/n: famous last words!^^)  

It was decided.  Together they went to change and to wake up Marron.  Today was a big day!

*

Krillin looked over the mess 'his' class had made.  His 1st class of the day, and he was already uncertain about whether having his own house was worth this…  Maybe living with Roshi _wasn't_ as bad as he thought… 

The phone on the desk rang; Juu needed him to take Marron.  

With a sigh and a quick glance around the room, he opened the window and flew down to where Juu's ki was located.  

Taking custody of the girl, he walked with her through the halls and up a couple flights of steps towards 'his' classroom.

*

The foursome drifted into their second period class with the steady stream of others, navigating their way to their seats with the ease of long practice.  

The bell rang within minutes, kids scattering to their seats and silence spreading.  

Again, Videl was quick to note the absence of yet another teacher.  

"Kami, what is _up_ with all the missing teachers?!" complained Erasa loudly, causing the rest of the class revert back to talking.  

"Who knows?  Maybe nerd-boy here will have to teach class again!"  

Gohan rolled his eyes and ignored Sharpener, who was now being beaten over the head by Erasa's purse and being noisily admonished for calling _HER_ Gohan a _nerd_.  

"Gohan has a girlfriend?  Why hasn't Chichi sent out the wedding invitations yet?"   

Everybody in the class whirled around to stare at the short, nose-less ex-monk who was grinning in the front of the classroom.  Continuing just as loudly, despite the sudden silence, he flashed the peace sign.  "Hey li'l bro!  Wuzzup ma man!"  

Gohan face vaulted, jaw hanging open and unable to speak.  

"Shut your mouth kid, you're catching flies."  

Obligingly, the flabbergasted Gohan snapped his mouth shut before replying in a slightly dazed voice.  "Krillin.  First grandpa and now _Krillin_.  I am going to _kill_ Dende after school today… And what are you doing here?  You're a _martial artist_.  You aren't qualified to teach high school!"  

Krillin flashed an imitation Son Grin™ before replying.  "So Gyu Mao is here too?  And you shouldn't go around threatening Kami, Gohan; it's not going to do anything for your day.  And who cares about qualifications?  The school got our phone number and called us in.  _They_ seemed to think we have enough qualifications."  

Gohan's eyes widened enormously and he blanched.  "I hope to god that you're implying you have multiple personalities, cause if _Roshi_ 's here…" 

Krillin pretended to be hurt, pouting dramatically.  "Do you _really_ think that poorly of me?  I would _never_ let that old pervert into a building full of busty teenage girls without a chaperone that was stronger than him!!!"  

Gohan visibly relaxed until his eyes fell on the seemingly innocent blonde at his friend's side.  "Um- Juuhachi isn't here by any chance, is she?"  

Krillin grinned in response.  "Absolutely!"  

Gohan let his head sink into his hands, muttering about the many ways to kill a kami, much to the consternation of the people who could hear him…  In fact, the entire class was rather bemused by the whole affair.  This was turning out to be a most _interesting_ day… 

Krillin plugged Marron into a game, then looked up at the hunched over Gohan in concern, before dismissing his sympathy.  He had seen several of the other Z Fighters in the office that morning, so he figured he'd save his pity until Gohan _really_ needed it… Until then he'd have fun with the kid. 

"Alright kids," he began, recapturing their attention from where it focused on Gohan.  "As you might have picked up, my name is Krillin.  If you were paying attention, you might also have picked up on the fact that I'm a martial artist, not a teacher.  Therefore my job is _not_ in jeopardy here, and if you miss behave I can do anything I damn well please, short of killing you.  Any questions?"  

There was a rather shocked silence except for the loud groan that came from Gohan at this statement.  "Kami Krillin, do you _have_ to go around threatening helpless children?  You're acting like you have some sort of Vegeta Complex!!!"  

Krillin gave a mock affronted gasp at being compared to _Vegeta_, just as Videl burst out in annoyance.  

"I don't know about you and the rest of them Gohan, but _I'm_ not a 'helpless child'."  

Without waiting for Gohan to reply, Krillin cut in, despite Gohan's frantic shushing motions.  "Oh _really_.  You look like one to me."  

Gohan dropped his head into his hands as Videl turned a bright red, steam practically pouring from her ears.  "I am Satan Videl, daughter of Hercule.  How _dare_ you insult me!!!"  

To all appearances Krillin _couldn't_ dare, due to the fact that he was far too busy trying not to laugh at her very unfortunate parentage.  

Gohan sighed and rubbed his temples.  ~Dende, if you want to live for another few hours, I suggest you calm both of the down _now_.~  

Krillin promptly got control of himself, just as Videl managed to calm down enough to sit back down, though still glaring daggers at the little man.  To Gohan's vast relief, class had started at long last. 

~Thanks Dende, I appreciate that.  Now I wont have to kill you _quite_ yet…~  

Settling back, he listened with half an ear to Krillin's rather uninformed lecture.

*

Dende sighed and sat back, taking another sip of his Pina Colada.  It was nice to be appreciated, especially since it wouldn't last very long at all…

*

Krillin finally gave up with around five minutes to spare, and released the class to do whatever they wanted, as long as they did it _quietly_.  He said the last bit with an intimidating glare that reinforced his threat.  

Sharpener, Erasa, Videl, and Gohan leaned together to talk a bit.  Sharpener glared at Erasa, head still a bit sore from its earlier beating.  "Gee Erasa, what do you _keep_ in there, _bricks_???"  

Erasa corrected him, preening slightly as she did so, "nah; brick. There's only one."  

Sharpener blinked, causing Erasa to laugh.  "Well you deserved it! You insulted _MY_ Gohan."  

Gohan was about to protest her claim of ownership, but a tiny voice at his elbow beat him to it.  

"Gohan isn't yours, he's _mine_!!!"  

All four turned to look at the little girl scrambling up onto Gohan's desk.  Standing up on it, hands on her hips, Marron glared at the older blonde.  "_I_ saw him _first_.  He promised he'd marry me!"  

Erasa stared at the competition in shock as the other three chuckled.  

Krillin, however, was _not_ amused, and walked ever to pluck his daughter off the desk, glaring at Gohan suspiciously.  "She's joking, right?  I mean, you'd kick my ass in a fight, but that wont stop me from trying if you even _think_ about _touching_ my little girl!!"  

Gohan rolled his eyes and smirked a bit.  "Don't worry Krillin, I prefer girls my own age."  

"But Goooooohaaaan you _promised_!!!"  

Gohan grinned a bit self-consciously.  "Nah Marron-chan, That was probably my mom.  She's a bit fixated on getting me married off as early as possible…"  

Krillin grinned in relief as Marron pouted and the other three face vaulted.  Videl especially stared at him incredulously, and Gohan could practically _see_ the questions welling up in his friend.  Lucky for him the bell rang, signaling time for yet another class.  

Waving cheerfully to Krillin and Marron, Gohan led the others out of the classroom and towards Home Economics.

A/N: Hmm, don't know if you care, but T-chan's b-day is coming up! July 31st.  Wish her a Happy one!


	4. Launching into Home Ec!

A/N: Hey peeps.  To those of you were getting worried, let me straighten things out for you right here.  Chichi is _not_ teaching Home Ec.  In fact, if you think that someone ought to be teaching a certain subject, I can almost guarantee that they _won't_ be.  There is only one exception for this general rule, and even then it's a bit twisted… ^^ also for your info, Goku is still dead.  Okay? Okay. ^~

Oh, and as a warning: I don't know Launch's character very well, so she's probably out of character here…

T-chan: Oh! And before you all go to read the story, thanks for wishing me happy birthday! *grins* 'cause it certainly _was_ a happy one! ^_________^

Disclaimer: Nope.  I don't own Dragon Ball Z, as much as I wish I did…

T-chan: *winks* and you should all be _very_ glad of that…

*growls, chases after her with ^chopstix^*

Launch yawned and stretched.  It was always nice to wake up with the sun shining and your husband still beside you…  Usually she woke up late, and Tien would already be up training with Choutzu.  This morning _she_ was the first one up, and _he_ was still sound asleep beside her.  

Slipping quietly out of bed, she pulled on her bathrobe and went down to the kitchen to make a nice warm breakfast.  Right as she was taking the last pancake off of the hot griddle, the phone rang.  Not wanting to wake Tien any earlier than absolutely necessary, she snagged it up before it had the chance to ring a second time.  

"Hello, Launch speaking!" 

"Um, Hello Miss Launch, my name is Essa Tengler, and I'm the secretary for Orange Star High school.  We're about 17 teachers short today, and I have your name down as a possible emergency substitute for Home Economics.  Will you be able to teach this morning from 8:00 to 3:00?"  

Launch thought for a moment, then nodded to herself.  "Alright Essa!  It'll be fun!"  

On the other end of the line, Miss Tengler grinned- she wasn't _about_ to disillusion this poor unsuspecting soul…  After giving Launch fairly detailed instructions, she hung up, fingers fairly itching to see what other interesting people these phone numbers would reveal…

*

Waving cheerfully to Krillin and Marron, Gohan and his friends trouped off towards the Home Ec room.  Unfortunately for Gohan, there was more than enough time to be put through the rack- so to speak…  

"Hey Gohan."

"Yeah Videl?"

"Who was that nose-less guy to you?"

"…"

"Gohan?"

"Um… An old family friend?"

There was a moment of silence as the navigated their way through the crowds in front of the door, before Sharpener put in his two cents worth.  

"What the hell did he mean about you being able to kick his ass in a fight?  He might have been tiny, but that dude had loads of muscles!  How could Scrawny-Backwoods-'I-Have-No-Social-Life'-Nerd-Boy beat him in a fight???"

This comment earned him a thoughtful nod from Videl, another whap on the head from Erasa's purse, and a silent scowl from Gohan himself. 

Luckily for Gohan, though, the foursome just then reached something slightly more puzzling than Gohan's 'fighting ability'- all of their male classmates crowding into the Home Ec room over five minutes early.  

Puzzled, they pushed through the throng of boys to see a beautiful, petite blue haired woman standing with her back to the door, flirting with a bunch of teenage guys.  Sharpener whistled appreciatively, earning another whap from Erasa, as poor Gohan's jaw hit the floor.

"LAUNCH!!!"  

The blue haired ditz froze and thrust her hands into the air; fingers spread wide, horrified expression stamped across her face.  "I'M INNOCENT, I SWEAR!!!  MY RECORD'S BEEN CLEAN ALL WEEK!!!"  

This statement earned her many a strange look- what did she mean by 'record's been clean all _week_'?  

She slowly turned around; hands still thrust into the air, and came face to face with a sweatdropping Gohan.  She laughed in relief and brought her hands down, only to throw them around a befuddled Gohan's neck.  The boys all glared jealously at Gohan -already having forgotten the girl's cry- and Erasa and Videl both glared daggers at the girl.  Gohan was still a bit surprised at finding Launch at his school in the first place, that he didn't really register the fact that she was now hugging him quite tightly.  

"Gohan!  You shouldn't scare me like that!  I might have sneezed!"  

That possibility shook Gohan back into 'reality', and long strings of the complications of having _Launch_ in a room with _pepper_ flying around the room danced through his head.  

This most definitely spelled imminent disaster.  

"Uh Launch… dare I ask what you're doing here?"

An amused Launch detached herself from him, only to snatch up a spatula from where it rested on a table and whack it on his head.  More out of reflex than actual pain, Gohan clutched his head and glared at her, obviously pouting.  Launch giggled at his expression, but didn't offer any explanation, merely gesturing that he should go and sit down as the bell rang.

Launch cleared her throat and smiled cheerfully at the class, spatula still in hand.  "Hello class!  My name is Launch, and I'm going to be your teacher!"  

Her happy statement was punctuated by a loud groan and a noisy thump as Gohan's head thwacked his desk.  Launch frowned slightly, marched over, and whapped him again, soliciting a muffled grunt from Gohan.  

"As I was saying, I'll be your sub.  To start out with, I'd like to say that we'll be cooking in groups of two today!  So please, find yourself a partner!"  

Erasa immediately made a grab for Gohan, as did nearly every girl in the room.  Gohan gulped slightly and scooted down in his chair, frantically trying to avoid their grasping fingers.  

Launch snickered at his predicament, but decided to 'help' by picking the only girl in the room that _wasn't_ squabbling over him to be his partner.  Sharpener pouted- he wouldn't get Videl as his partner!  The disappointed girls scurried off to lay claims to various boys or friends, and five minutes later Launch was able to move the class onwards.

"Okay- does anyone have suggestions for recipes that we could try?"  Gohan's hand shot up, and Launch pointed her spatula at him.  "Yes Gohan?"

Gohan leaned back in his chair, hands folded behind his head and an evil Vegeta Smirk™ smeared across his face.  Everybody stared in shock, jaws dropping as they heard his proposition.

"Gee Launch, I was thinking maybe Kami Burgers.  Or maybe a nice Kami Stew!  You know, actually, Kami a la mode sounds rather appetizing right now…"

Launch was the only one unaffected by his rather sudden mood swing, and she actually chuckled a bit.  "Gee Gohan- I've always known that you Saiya-jins have iron stomachs –just look at your father!- but don't you think eating _Kami_ is going a bit far?  Besides- where do you plan to get the main ingredient?"

The class stared in horror at the calm blue haired sub, then swung their shocked gazes back towards Gohan.  They must have _seriously_ misjudged his character if he could sit there talking calmly about eating _GOD_!!!

"Actually, according to Vegeta they were _quite_ the delicacy back on Vegeta-sei… And after what he's put me through this morning, I _don't_ think _any_ punishment is too harsh for the little twerp.  And I'd be more than happy to hunt him down for you."

Even Launch was slightly disturbed by _that_ litany, and deigned it necessary to beat the evilness out of 'darling little Gohan' with her newly adopted Spatula of Ruin™.  It took nearly ten minutes of frantic thwaps before Gohan finally decided to repent, causing the entire room to anime faint.  The class moved onwards, Launch quickly settling on chili as an easily attainable goal for their skill level.

Twenty minutes later revealed exactly three pots of tasty chili sitting on the front table.  Of the rest, four were burned beyond repair, two were _bubbling_, and the remaining three… well lets just say they weren't very appetizing...  

Everybody stood back as Launch inspected the finished products, making marks in the teacher's grade book.  

Pausing over Gohan and Videl's, she raised an eyebrow.  Theirs was one of the few that turned out well.  Curious, she picked up a spoon and dipped it in, cautiously sipping up a taste.  Her face quickly turned a bright red, and she began fanning her mouth.  Worried, Videl thrust a cup of cold water at her, and Launch gratefully gulped it down.  Her face slowly returned to it's normal color, and she glared at Gohan, still coughing a bit.  Videl and Gohan both had the grace to appear sheepish, and she moved on to the next decent looking pot.  

Far more cautious this time, she leaned over and sniffed it.  To Gohan's horror, she immediately threw her head back and sneezed violently.

"ALRIGHT, SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL I'M DOING HERE BEFORE I KILL EVERY (&#@$@) ONE OF YOU!!!"

The class stared in open-mouthed horror at the blonde mad woman who had somehow replaced the sweet blue haired woman.  Only Gohan appeared unsurprised by the transformation, though he looked every bit as worried by the high-tech pistol that had manifested in her hands.  

"ANSWER ME (*&^#!$%#&!!!"  This cry was punctuated by the crack of gunshot at close range.  Two dozen frightened teens let out a scream of horror as a bullet struck poor little Son Gohan in the shoulder- at close range.  

Though the shot didn't even really _sting_, Gohan decided to play along, and let out a 'cry of pain', dropping down to one knee and clutching his arm where the bullet hit, letting the 'wounded' arm hang limply.  His face 'contorted with pain', as he scanned the room for _something_ to make Launch sneeze again _before_ she hurt someone…

Videl stared, just as shocked as the rest by the crazy blonde lady, but she was quite determined to stop her.  She tried to push her classmates out of the way so that she'd have enough room to do some damage, but they were too shocked to respond.  

Surreptitiously, Gohan leaned over and grabbed a peppershaker, preparing to end this as soon as possible.  Unfortunately his plan was short lived as Launch saw him and decided that she didn't want to go back to being a ditz quite yet…  Before Gohan could act, Launch had her pistol against his head, making even Videl freeze.  Gohan began sweating heavily; not that he was _afraid_ of being shot… No, it wouldn't hurt him.  _He_ was afraid of what everyone else would think.

~This is all _Kami's_ fault!  Dende, if you let her shoot me again… oooh, Kami Burgers wont be the _least _of it!!!~

Faster than the human eye could follow, Gohan had thrown a handful of pepper at Launch, hand hanging limply again before anyone noticed he could still move it.  Launch sneezed forcefully, returning to normal.  She blinked and looked down at the gun in her hand and laughed nervously.  "Whoops… I really hope I didn't hurt anyone this time…"

Gohan grimaced slightly, still pretending to be in pain.  "Actually Launch, yeah, you did."

Launch frantically searched the room, looking for a hurt student.  "_Where_?!"

Gohan sweatdropped slightly.  "Um… right here…"

Launch whipped her head towards him, blinking owlishly before throwing her head back and laughing, much to the bemusement of the class.  Soon she was on the floor, trying to talk through the mirthful tears rolling down her face.  "Me… h-hurt _Gohan_!!! …yeah right!!!"  

Gohan glared at her and coughed slightly.  "Well now Launch, considering the fact that you _shot_ me in the _shoulder_ I should _think_ that it would hurt!"

Launch got to her feet, suddenly serious.  "I don't know what kind of bullshit this is Gohan, but since when does one measly bullet hurt you??? I mean, _Kami_, I've emptied half a dozen rounds on you at closer range than that and not even _phased_ you!"

By this time the rest of the class's brains had experienced massive overloads, and they weren't hearing a word of the exchange, lucky for Gohan… Except, of course, Videl.  _She_ was as alert as ever, though very shocked to say the least…

Gohan sighed, took a glance around the room to make sure that no one was still 'with it' and sighed.  Climbing to his feet, he let his hand drop off his 'wounded' shoulder and eyed Launch.

"Well Launch, let's just say that bullet never hit me, alright.  It went into the floor right there."

"Right where?"

"There."  As he pointed, he flicked the bullet from his hand into the floor, causing it to imbed itself several inches in.  Launch nodded complacently, not really caring.

Videl, however, cared a great deal.  "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT SON GOHAN!?!?!"

Her powerful scream woke the dazed students around her, who immediately stared at Gohan, who was now standing up, completely unharmed.  And blushing very heavily, I might add.

"Uh… Videl, can we talk about this later?  Like, after school maybe?"

Videl glared at her friend, she didn't want to have to wait for an explanation of _why_ exactly was Son Gohan _bullet proof_.  But she could tell she wouldn't get any answers here… "Fine.  We'll talk at lunch."

Poor Gohan gulped slightly, but nodded, as his female classmates swarmed him, asking if he was _really_ all right.  

Finally, with only minutes till the bell would ring, a strange announcement came over the intercom.

"_Attention.  This is a reminder that it is class 315's turn to report to Sex Ed.  Got that class 315?  Thank you."_

The class of 315 exchanged a glance, then shrugged.  Everyone else had been having to go through this, they might as well get it over with.  Poor Gohan had a veeeeeeery bad feeling about _his_ class getting picked for today…  

A/N:  *grins* There you go!  Another custom made chapter for your enjoyment.  I hope I didn't make Launch _too_ OOC… I had this problem in the Field Trip too… Oh well, who cares?!

T-chan: *smirks* Am I supposed to answer that?

Lexi: *glares* No.  You aren't.  And if you do, I'll beat you with my ^chopstix^ until you're black and blue.  Now scram!

T-chan: *laughs, skips off to find Mirai Trunks*


	5. Beware the Sex Ed teacher

A/N: *pouts* lotsa people anticipated me.  That's not fair.  NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO ANTICIPATE ME!!! *bursts into tears*

T-chan: o.o` um… Lexi-sama?  …Only a couple people anticipated you… It's not that big of a deal…

Vegeta: *growls at Lexi* SHUT UP WOMAN!!! *ki blasts her*

Lexi: *sniffles, looks down at ruined shirt, glares at him* You baka! YOU MESSED UP MY SHIRT!!! *screams, chases after him with ^chopstix^* YOU'LL REGRET THAT!!!
    
    Disclaimer: *screams as she sprints by chasing Vegeta*  Hey t-chan!
    
    T-chan: *looks up from where she is single mindedly cutting up her clothes and safety pinning them back together*  What?
    
    Lexi: Can you take care of the disclaimer today?  I have to kill my darling mate.
    
    T-chan:  =D Sure!!!
    
    Lexi: *slides to a momentary halt in front of t-chan*  And make sure you get it _right_!!!  *takes off after 'Geta again*
    
    T-chan: Oooooh!  I can't believe she's finally letting me write …a little... She actually trusts me enough to leave me alone with her precious...can I say it...computer! *gasps* Ok… I can do this… just breathe *puts fingers on keyboard* just breathe...
    
     "Hey guys this is your one and only T-chan the muse! *bows*  Well, Lexi put me in charge of disclaimer duties so here it goes... Lexi-sama doesn't own DBZ, but if she got a dime for each time she thinks about killing her brother or damning him to hell, she would have enough money to buy the rights!!! Me too, come to think of it… If I got a dime for every time I chewed on (or hit, or whipped, etc.) Greg for deleting those 5 stories *whips brother severely* ...I would have enough money to buy anything I wanted!! *thinks* …this disclaimer sucks...I'm going to get ki blasted again…"MEEP"...well I'll just post it and run away… *presses post button, grabs scissors and safety pins, then makes a dash for it*

*

Chichi bustled happily around the kitchen, making a breakfast worthy of two growing demi Saiya-jins.  It was almost 6:00, the time she usually sent her youngest son to wake up the elder so that he wouldn't be late for school.  She walked towards the door, intending to call in Goten, but the phone rang before she had gone even four steps.  

~Now who in the world could _that_ be?  Bulma is _never _awake this early… And Trunks has already learned his lesson about calling before breakfast…~ Pondering over who could be calling this early, Chichi picked up the phone, answering on the last ring.

"Hello, Son residence, Chichi speaking." 

"Hello Ms. Chichi!  My name is Miss Tengler, and I'm the secretary for Orange Star High…"

Chichi's eyebrows drew down into a frown, why was Gohan's school calling _now_???  She was about to start a loud voice rant about her precious baby when the woman's words reassured her.

"We have a huge shortage of teachers today, and I have your number down as a possible sub.  Can you come teach today from 8:00-3:00?"

Chichi blinked incredulously.  _Her_ teach _high school_??? "Absolutely!"

"Fantastic!  Just check into my office and I'll give you all the information that you'll need for the rest of the day!"

They exchanged goodbyes, and Chichi hung up feeling _very_ elated.  She was going to be a scholar, just like her son!  Even if it _was_ only for a day… A huge Son Grin™ spread across her face and she grabbed up the phone again, dialing up Bulma's number quicker than a flash.  When Bulma's sleepy voice finally answered, Chichi imperiously informed her that Goten needed to go over for the day, she had somewhere important to go.  Bulma was far too tired to care, and merely mumbled an affirmative; Goten was always over _anyways_…

Even happier than she had been before, Chichi called in Goten and merrily told him to wake up his brother. Breakfast proceeded as normal, and Chichi was quick to usher her son out the door.  Suddenly a complication showed itself.  Both she and Goten needed to get places, and neither could independently fly.  Both needed the nimbus, but both had agendas… what to do, what to do!

Suddenly their little problem was solved for them, in the strangest possible form… And Goten set happily off towards CC on Kinto'un.

*

Gohan waved wearily to Launch as his class trooped off towards the Sex Ed room.  Videl was trailing Gohan closely, glaring at his back and mulling over what had just happened in their previous three classes.  There were so many secrets hanging over this strange boy just _asking_ to be discovered…

They stopped by their lockers to drop off their books; lunch was next and nobody wanted to have to tote around extra books in the cafeteria… As she was waiting for her turn at the locker, Erasa turned to Gohan who was rummaging around for his lunch capsule.  

"Hey Gohan, are you _sure_ you're okay?"

"Yeah Erasa, that bullet didn't hit me."

"It sure looked like it did!"

"Well, babe, it obviously _couldn't_ have seeing how nerd-boy here is still standing." Once again Gohan found himself being shoved away from the locker and for the umpteenth time that day he was forced to keep a tight curb on his growing irritation.  Erasa shrugged at Sharpener's comment, and began babbling happily about their upcoming sex-ed class.  Like several of the other preppy girls, she had actually been looking _forward_ to this class…

"I wonder who the teacher will be!  Lisa was telling me that Mr. Miranda is supposed to teach it!  I haven't had him at all, have you guys?"

Videl sighed, relinquishing the locker to the blonde.  "Of course not Erasa!  Me and Sharpener have been in all of your classes since what- fifth grade?  If you've never had him, then neither have we."

Erasa shrugged it off like she seemed to do to everything, and continued babbling pointlessly as they made their way through the halls.  Finally they reached the room and made their way up to the seats they normally occupied in every other room.

"This should be sooooo much fun!  Scissors was telling me that in _his_ class they all got condoms!  Do you think we will too???"

Videl turned to stare at Erasa incredulously.  "Condoms??? Somehow I doubt it."

Erasa's disappointed pout didn't last long, and the ever-happy girl grinned at a new thought.  "Do you think we'll get to see any videos?  Or maybe get the chance to demonstrate?"

Videl and Gohan both gagged at _that_ idea, but Sharpener and Erasa began a spirited discussion that soon led to Videl and Erasa switching seats so that the blondes could advance to more *ahem* _involved_ discussion… Fortunately for those sitting next to them, they were interrupted before they got a chance to "demonstrate" for the class.

The very talkative class was shocked into silence when two strange people just _appeared_ in the front of the class.  And these were no ordinary people, let me assure you.  The people were almost as strange as their mode of entering a room!

It was a man and a woman, both looking to be in the mid twenties.  The woman was _very_ pretty, and had over half of the guys grabbing their drool catchers, despite he rather motherly outfit she was wearing.  She smiled prettily at the class and waved a bit, as did the man who was with her.  The man made just as many of the girls grab _their_ drool catchers.  He was tall and handsome, with spiky black hair and an orange gi.  They were far too busy drooling over his incredible buffness to notice the golden halo floating above his head… 

But Gohan noticed.  He let out a small cry and stood up, causing the desk to tip over in his haste to get to the front of the room.  The class stared in shock as Son Gohan the geek threw his arms around the buff guy and started weeping like a baby.

"Dad! You're back!  You're back!!!"  

Goku scratched the back of his head and patted his son on the back rather awkwardly; flashing a confused grin at the stares the three were receiving.  "Uh huh!  I'm only back for the week though… Kaiosama decided that I deserved a holiday to see my family again!"

***More like my pantry needed a holiday from that damn black hole he calls his stomach…*** 

Chichi smiled slightly as she watched the emotional father-son reunion.  Well- emotional on her son's part at least… After giving Gohan a couple of seconds to get re-acquainted with his dead father, she decided that enough was enough; they were delaying her class!  Whipping out her Frying Pan of Doom™ from the nice little dimensional pocket that Bulma had made for her, she conked both males on the head rather forcefully.  The two Son males turned a baleful eye on the frowning female.

"Gee, what was that for Chichi?  We were just saying hi…"

"Come on mom, I haven't seen dad since Cell killed him!"

"Oh well!  Goku's sticking around for a while, so you two can get reacquainted later.  But for right now I want to start this class!  Goku, you go sit up with Gohan.  I think you need this lecture just as much as these teenagers do."

She reinforced her words with another thwap on the head for the both of them, and Gohan led his father towards his seat, only to be met with Videl's Death Glare.  Luckily for Gohan, Videl didn't get the chance to have her anticipated rant, because Chichi chose that moment to start class; and we all know how insistent Chichi can be…

"Hello class, my name is Son Chichi, and as the brighter among you might have already picked up on, I am Gohan's mother.  The man with me is Son Goku, Gohan's father."

At this, Erasa's hand shot in the air.  She had taken great pains to know as much as possible about her potential boyfriend, and had learned very early on that Gohan's dad was dead…  

"But Mrs. Son, I thought that Gohan's dad was dead!"

Goku, of course, took the opportunity to clear things up on his son's behalf… " I _am_ dead! See my halo!"  To illustrate his point, the clueless Goku pointed at the golden circle floating above his head.  The class stared in awed amazement until something suddenly clicked in one girl's mind.  

"IT'S A GHOST!!!" 

Her scream sent everyone else into hysterics, and all of the teens close to the confused Saiya-jin scrambled away in fear.  Goku's eyes widened slightly, "WHERE?!"

Gohan just thumped his head against his desk.  Something told him this day was only going to get worse…  ~Dende, calm them down _now._  Make them forget about it; they don't have very long attention spans in the _first_ place, so I doubt that will be too difficult… And if you don't, I will hurt you.  Badly.  _After_ taking away that Pina Colada.~

*

"Damn!  How in kami's name did he know about my Colada?!  Wait… I really need to stop swearing in my name…"  The bemused god downed the rest of the glass and tossed it aside, yelling at Popo for another one… Things were going to get messy around here _very_ soon.  With an absentminded manipulation of his power, Dende obliged his friend and made the class settle down… For now.  

"Ah Gohan… The things I do for you…"

*

Gohan smiled in relief as his classmates calmed down: with_out_ the assistance of his mother's beloved Frying Pan.  The first part of the class proceeded without _too_ much commotion… If you didn't count Goku's repeated questions about the most basic things… Beginning with the very first thing.

"Uh, Chi… what's sex?"

Everybody in the classroom sweatdropped, including Chichi.  

"Well Goku, it's what…um…we did nine months before Gohan was born."  This statement caused _lots_ of laughs in Gohan's direction, and the boy to turn an interesting shade of red.  Unfortunately, Goku was still clueless.  

"Um… I thought that was called marriage!"

Gohan's head hit the desk.

"No.  Marriage was the ceremony.  Sex is what happened after."

"…You mean the big party with lots of food?"

Gohan's head thumped the desk a second and third time.

"No.  After that."  
"The big cake thingie?"

"No Goku.  Think after nightfall."

Thump.  Thump.  Thump.

"You mean…dinner?"

Thump.  Thump.  Thump.

"_No_ Goku!  Later.  In the bed."  By this time even Chichi was slightly embarrassed, but it was more over her husband's ignorance than the subject matter…

"…"

Chichi began rubbing her temples, foot tapping impatiently against the floor.  

"_Mating_ Goku.  Sex is the same thing as _mating_."

"Oooh, I get it!  You should have said that in the first place!"

Thump.  Thump.  Thump.

This little misunderstanding cleared up, Chichi continued on to the _next_ issue at hand.  Educating these students – and her husband – about sex.  

Far more difficult than she first anticipated… Especially with her oldest son trying to break the desk he was sitting in.  After only two minutes of lecturing, Chichi began to get _very_ annoyed by the repetitive thumping sound coming from her son's desk.  Goku had turned his attention towards trying to stop his son, which diverted _both_ of their attention.  Glaring, she walked up to Gohan's desk and hit him as hard as she could with a two handed swing of her Frying Pan.  

That got the thumping to stop.  

Satisfied, she walked back up to the front of the room and cheerfully continued her talk.  Before she was even half way through, Gohan had invented at least three new shades of red, each darker than the last.  

And he had started the head thumping again.  

Much quieter this time so as not to attract his mother's wrath, but load enough to divert his own attention.  In theory, he knew all this stuff already – but to hear his _mother_ teach it to his _classmates_… He shuddered through the thumping and sped up slightly – but in his attempt to drown out his mother, he also failed to notice the growing crack across the surface of the poor desk.

The rest of the class, including Goku, was listening raptly to Chichi's lecture.  Unlike Gohan, they didn't have the in depth knowledge that this woman had; all they had really known about It was that you took off all your clothes, grabbed the nearest member of the opposite sex, and "went at it".  Now they were learning the why and the how, as well as such useful tips as how to get pregnant or prevent it, as well as how to survive the pregnancy itself.  

Chichi was about to go into further detail about the actual _raising_ of children, which had all of the girls – even Videl – enthralled, when she was very rudely interrupted.  

The poor desk had finally had enough, and now lay in splinters at the feet of an ashen-faced Son Gohan. 

Chichi's eyes narrowed into slits and she marched up to her dazed son and proceeded to beat him over the head with her Frying Pan, accompanied by the furious shrieks that had earned her the title 'banshee woman', as well as the grudging respect of a certain Saiya-jin prince…

"SON GOHAN, YOU HAVEN'T BEEN LISTENING TO A WORD I'VE SAID!!!  HOW ARE YOU GOING TO FIND YOURSELF A MATE AND GET ME GRANDCHILDREN IF YOU DON'T PAY ATTENTION???  DO YOU WANT TO END UP LIKE YOUR FATHER AND ONLY ACT ON INSTINCT?!?!  THAT'S NO WAY TO IMPRESS MY FUTURE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW!!!"  

Chichi would have continued in that vein for quite a bit longer if she hadn't been interrupted by the sound of the bell.  Later Gohan had to wonder how they could _possibly_ have heard the bell through his mother's screams, but he supposed that it _had_ been made to cut through the daily sounds of student life…

Goku waved cheerfully to the class as it processed out, clapping his son on the back before turning him over to his friends.  Chichi's glare softened as she watched the way the blonde girl caringly led her son out the door… maybe he had found himself a mate after all… Then her glare returned full force as she realized that he hadn't told her about any girlfriend… ~Ooooooh, that boy has some explaining to do!~

*

A/N: *pats Vegeta on the head* Good boy!  Thank you for your shirt, it was _very _kind of you to give me yours!  *eyes his bare torso dreamily* very kind… *drool*

T-chan: =.= *thumps her head against the floor* kami… this is almost as bad as when they're alone!!!

Lexi: *grabs Vegeta's hand, leads him away, calls over shoulder* Guess what folks!  I'm in a good mood today *wink, wink* so I have good news!  Tell 'em T-chan!  *jogs away, toting a bemused Vegeta in her wake*

T-chan: o.o` I'm not sure whether to be happy or afraid… Not only did she let me write the disclaimer, she's letting me tell her faithful readers her good news!!!  Well, the news is that this chapter isn't over yet.  Why are there author notes here?  Who knows.  The mind of Lexi is a strange and twisted thing…

*

Goten landed in front of CC and charged threw the door, not even bothering to knock.  He raced through the halls until he found Trunks's room, where he skidded to a halt.  (a/n; please bear in mind the fact that it is still only 6:30 or so…^^) 

Opening the door silently, Goten crept in, running over the various ways that one can wake up a demi Saiya-jin… needless to say, he had a _lot_ of practice, so it was only a matter of choosing the best one…

Finally settling on one, he crept up to the bed and smirked down on his sleeping best friend.  He'd teach Trunks that Son Goten could be _just_ as mischievous as his friend!  Taking a quick glance around the room, Goten found everything he'd need to make his plan successful…

Ten minutes later a girly, earth-shattering scream echoed through the halls of Capsule Corps, followed by a loud stream of cursing, loud laughter, and the sounds of two demi Saiya-jins barreling through the building.

Poor Trunks, dripping with icy water and …other things… chased after Goten with murder in his eyes.  Luckily for the continued existence of them _both_, they ran into Vegeta before they had a run in with Bulma.  

The poor Saiya-jin prince had just finished his dawn training and had ventured inside to frighten somebody into making him breakfast - just in time to hear his son's shriek.  Dismissing the sound as most likely being the Woman seeing a spider, he continued stalking the halls in search of something that could make him food.  Luck was on his side because not more than ten seconds later, two somethings plowed into him.

Stumbling slightly and cursing fluently, Vegeta picked both boys up by their ears and toted them towards the kitchen, oblivious to the sounds of their shrieks.  _He_ was going to get breakfast, even if it meant forcing the brats to cook it for him!

A/N:  All right, _these_ are the real author notes at the end of the chapter.  Um… I don't have a whole lot to say in this chapter other than "lucky Gohan"… lunch is next!  …Or maybe he _isn't_ such a lucky Gohan… Who knows what surprises await?!

T-chan: *hits her head against the floor again*  Kami Lexi, that was cornier than my disclaimer!!!

Lexi: *glares at her muse*  Your disclaimer was corny?

T-chan: *gulps slightly* n-no way! Uh…ask the readers!

Lexi: *whirls to eye the readers* that might actually be a good idea!  Hey guys, do me a favor and report on the work of my muse.  It's her first real writing experience, and I need to know whether or not she needs to be …disciplined. *laughs evilly*

T-chan: O.O "MEEP"!!!


	6. Lunch Time

A/N: *snickering helplessly* Methinks that you guys will like this chapter… *snickering continues*

Vegeta: *stares at Lexi in consternation* What the hell woman???

T-chan: *smirking* Ah yes, we got together the other day and we had soooo much fun cooking this chapter up! 

Lexi: *nods head in agreement* We were _really high on sugar and caffine… _

T-chan: *snickers* We even had a sort of contest to see who could think up the most 'compromising' positions!

Vegeta: o.o` *starts backing away slowly*

Lexi: *glomps him* where do you think _you're going bud!  You have to stick around!_

T-chan: *grins* Come on 'Geta- this chapter tortures Gohan the _most out of __any of the other chapters in __any of Lexi's stories so far!_

Vegeta: *eyes light up with interest* Oh really now…

T-chan: *nods happily* not to mention the fact that it's LOOOOOOOONG.  As in- 14 pages last time I checked- and it's only part one!

Lexi: *smirks* _And_ it has a big role for my Veggie-burger!!!

Vegeta: =_= I'm going to _kill DragonKitty for teaching you that nickname- really I am…_

Disclaimer: hmmm… it seems that most of you thought T-chan's disclaimer sucked- but told me not to hurt T-chan…

T-chan: *eyes lights up, grins happily* thanks!

Lexi: *smirks evilly* except for Burenda.

T-chan: *face falls* …

Lexi: *smirk grows* she said to have fun hurting you. So that's exactly what I plan to do!!! *chases after T-chan with ^chopstix^*

Vegeta: *watches in amusement* hmmm, it seems I'm rubbing off on the baka onna…

!Warning!  This chapter contains severe OOC for Gohan- so don't say I didn't warn you.  It also has some swearing and some 'mature' themes (no, nothing like _that_ you hentai freaks!!!)  But I figured it was enough to boost the rating to PG-13, although I can bring it back down if you guys think I should…  

*

Beep.  Beep.  Beep.  Beep.

Yamcha rolled over in his sleep and slammed a fist into the annoying machine, creating a huge crack, destroying it.  

The sudden silence made him sit bolt upright, huge smile spreading over his face.  He had finally done it!  He had finally won the war against the _stupid Saiya-jin proof alarm clock Bulma had given to him!!!_

~This calls for a celebration!!!~ 

Yamcha hopped out of bed and pulled on some clothes, reaching for the telephone while trying to decide who he should invite for lunch.  Pu'ar was the obvious choice, but he wanted to really _celebrate!  For a really good party you needed more than just the cat who lived with you…  Thinking quickly through the list of friends and acquaintances, he finally settled on some old friends…_

*

Master Roshi sat back with a sigh, contentedly wiping the drool off his chin.  Now _that was the best way to wake yourself up!  His perverted old mind began running through the show again, completely ignoring the phone ringing in the background - Krillin would pick it up.  He always did.  _

But not this time… This time it kept ringing and ringing, until even _he began to get annoyed.  _

With a sigh, he pulled himself out of his hentai thoughts and scuttled over to the phone, picking it up on the last ring.

"Moshi moshi, Muten Roshi!" 

~Kami but I just _love the sound of that!!!~ (a/n: *snickers loudly*)_

"Hey Roshi!  I just defeated my arch nemesis!  Want to go out to celebrate?"

"…arch nemesis?"

"Yeah!  I'll tell you all about it when you get here!"

"Um, okay Yamcha… if you say so."

"Oh, and invite Krillin and company!"

For the first time since he came out of his hentai trance, Master Roshi realized that Krillin's ki- as well as 18 and Marron's- weren't there.  

"Uh, sorry Yamcha, but they aren't here."

"Really? That's odd… Oh well!  Come anyways!  I _would invite the Sons or the Briefs, but my wallet can only take so much…" _

Roshi laughed slightly- he knew how _that went…  "Okay then sonny!  I'll be over at your place as soon as I can get ready."_

Both men hung up, looking forward to their upcoming 'party'.

*

Only an hour or so later, Yamcha, Pu'ar, and Roshi were driving towards a restaurant in Satan City.  Suddenly Yamcha pulled the car to a halt and shifted in his seat to stare at the tall building from which emanated the kis of almost all the Z senshi.  

"Wow, I wonder why they're all gathered in the city's high school- and why weren't we invited???"

He exchanged a meaningful glance with Roshi and Pu'ar before whipping the car around and pulling into the parking lot.

"Hmmm… it's about noon right now- I bet there'll be food in the cafeteria.  I bet they'll let us in if they know who you are Yamcha-sama!" squeaked Pu'ar in that horribly girlish sounding voice of his.  

Yamcha nodded thoughtfully and hopped out of the car- intent on figuring out what was going on, and leaving Roshi to follow along behind.

*

Gohan staggered out of the classroom, weaving around like a drunk.  Concerned about 'her' Gohan, Erasa slung one of his arms around her shoulders- to help him stay upright, truly!!!  It was just an _accident that her 'helping hand' was rather close to that tight ass, and that his limp arm was lower than need be… __honest!  _

Videl was busy eyeing the boy with curiosity- she had learned several interesting things in that class, as well as developed at _least a dozen more questions for little Son Gohan- such as how the hell he could still be conscious after being hit over the head with a frying pan so many times!!!  Granted he __did seem a __bit woozy…_

Sharpener glanced over at Gohan while they were walking through the thinning crowds in the hall, eyeing him with something between admiration and pity.

"Some family dude!  Your mom is one _hell of a looker…" he whistled appreciatively and gestured with his hands, tracing an imaginary woman's body in the air in front of him - earning a horrified gasp from Gohan and another purse smack from Erasa. _

Deep in shock, Gohan shuddered and squeezed his eyes close, leaning on Erasa a _little more than she bargained for as he passed out - causing both of them to fall in a heap on the floor._

Sharpener blinked, then began to snicker at their _very compromising position.  Erasa's face turned bright red and she squeaked, desperately trying to wriggle out from beneath Gohan's dead weight – sure she wanted to get in this position with him; but __preferably in private…_

Videl glared at the pile, face turning a sickly green.  

~Wait a minute- am I _envious?!?!?!?~ _

She shuddered, forcing the color –_and the offending thoughts- to fade, then set to work trying to pull Gohan off of Erasa before anybody noticed… Too bad for her that everybody in the hall had already noticed the little pileup.  _

Struggling to ignore the lewd jeers that flew at her, Erasa tried to maintain her dignity and continued to wiggle around underneath Gohan, hoping against hope that she could get out from underneath him.  Unfortunately for her, Gohan was a _lot heavier than he looked, and all she managed to accomplish was making her tight spandex tube dress ride up __waaaaay higher than it should be, and shifting Gohan's head around until it was nestled between her breasts- __not the most comfortable position for __either of them.  _

Determined to save her friends' dignity, Videl carefully planted her feet straddling the couple and grabbed Gohan's shirt, using all of her considerable strength to pull Gohan off- or at the very least get him far enough off so that Erasa could worm the rest of the way out.  

Yanking and tugging, she didn't hear the sound of ripping seams until it was too late.  Thrown off balance by the unexpected absence of Gohan's weight, she stumbled, throwing her foot behind her in a last ditch attempt to keep from falling backwards.  

In some sense the move worked, because she didn't fall backwards.  Instead, her foot rolled over a strange fuzzy rope and she fell forwards to land on top of the shirtless Gohan.

Burning with embarrassment, Videl struggled to get to her feet, but without luck. The same fuzzy brown rope that she had tripped over was now wrapped around her waist and holding her firmly against the shuddering, unconscious Gohan.

~Damn! That was soooo not supposed to happen!~  

Furious with herself, Gohan, Erasa, and everyone else within a ten mile radius, Videl began pounding on Gohan's back, demanding at the top of her capacious lungs that he let her go _immediately.  She wasn't quite sure why, but she was __positive that the offending rope was __somehow being controlled by the unconscious boy._

"Son Gohan you let me go _right now!!!  We have a torture- ah, I mean… a __questioning session scheduled right NOW!!!"  _

She continued pounding relentlessly on his bare back for another minute before giving up.  He would come to _eventually… and then the expression on his face when he discovered Erasa underneath him, __where exactly his face was situated, and the fact that he was __shirtless with __Videl on his back would be more than equivalent payback for the indecency of the situation._

*

Sharpener watched the entire scene, laughing his head off.  In the middle of his laughing fit, he had the sudden urge to take a camera out of a pocket and capture this moment on film so that it would last for eternity.  

With a smirk he stuck his hand in his pocket and fished out a digital camera and began snapping pictures.  

It never occurred to him to wonder _how exactly a digital camera –which he didn't own even if he __had been able to afford one- had gotten into the pockets of these martial arts pants –which didn't happen to __have any pockets now that the author stops to think about it… _

No, his puny little brain was too overcome with the hilarity of the scene to ponder such deep and mysterious questions.

*

Dende watched the little scene with amusement.  Giving that blond boy a camera was a stroke of genius!  Not to mention engineering that whole pile-up…

He played around with his Pina Colada, thinking back to earlier that morning when he'd been busy setting his scheme in motion.  

~Intertwining timelines is _fun!!!~_

* Flashback to Earlier that Morning *

Vegeta watched the two brats with a smirk.  The food they were so desperately _trying to prepare was probably inedible, but just watching them scramble around the kitchen in fear of their lives was amusing enough to warrant a late breakfast prepared by the Woman._

"Hurry up brats!  The Gravity Room is getting cold!" he snickered to himself as they redoubled their pace.  Oh the joys of being evil…

Suddenly there was a flash and a loud boom from between Trunks and Goten.  Vegeta cursed fluently in Saiya-jin.  If those two had destroyed part of the kitchen… 

Luckily for the prince it _wasn't the sounds of destruction; rather, it was the sound of incoming disaster- for Gohan that is._

Coughing to clear his lungs of smoke, Mirai Trunks stumbled out of the smoldering Time Machine.  Desperately trying to put out the flames issuing from the engine, Mirai grabbed a cup from it's place by the sink and tossed it on the flames without checking the contents - or heeding his younger counterpart's frantic warning.  

All four Saiya-jins were thrown backwards by the intensity of the fire as the entire Time Machine went up in a blaze of fire, incinerating itself into a pile of ashes in less time than it takes for Lexi to say '^chopstix^'!

"Dumbass!!! That was _bacon grease!!! You're not supposed to throw __bacon grease on a __fire!  I can't believe I grow up to be that stupid…"_

Chibi Trunks's muttering was rewarded by a smack on the head from Mirai.

"Shut up brat!  How was _I supposed to know it was grease??? Since when do __normal people stick cups of __grease by __sinks???"_

"Since dad decided to force us to cook for him!"

"I rest my case."

"…"

Mirai Trunks smirked down at his younger counterpart, who glared up at him in obvious confusion.  How exactly did that statement win Mirai's argument?  Goten patted his friend on the back reassuringly.

"Don't sweat it Trunks, I didn't get it either!"

Trunks sweatdropped and was about to start yelling at his younger friend when Bulma rushed into the room.

"WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE??? WHO DESTROYED MY KITCHEN???"

All four brought their fingers up- the Trunkses pointing at each other, Goten pointing at Mirai, while Vegeta pointed in the general direction of the chibis.

Bulma snarled and snatched the frying pan the boys were using for bacon off of the stove and belted them all over the head.  She knew Saiya-jins; if one was guilty, they all were.

"Now one of you had better explain what happened here- and how Mirai Trunks got here."

Vegeta spoke up, eager for the woman to cast the blame to the brats.  "The Mirai brat showed up in the middle of the kitchen, his time machine burst into flames, the baka threw grease on it, and the damn thing was incinerated."

"Oh.  Really.  And what exactly made him throw _grease on the fire?"_

Vegeta opened his mouth to reply, but the phone rang before Bulma got the chance to give all four of them a severe lecture.

Being the closest, Vegeta reached out and grabbed the phone- it was the best way to avoid the woman's questions after all…  Grunting briefly to indicate that someone had picked up, he listened to the young woman on the other end of the line.

"…Hello, is Trunks Mirai there?"  

Vegeta held the phone away from his head and stared at it in perplexity.  The Mirai brat had been here all of five minutes and he _already had females calling him!  _

~Must be my blood…~  

Tossing the phone at the newcomer, he stalked over to the fridge, grabbed as much food as he could carry, and high-tailed it out of there for the gravity room.

Mirai Trunks stared at the strange object in his hands.  Sure, he knew what a phone was, and how it worked- but he'd never actually _used one…_

"H-hello?"

"Hi!  My name is Essa Tengler, secretary for Orange Star High.  We're missing a huge amount of teachers, and I have your name down as a possible sub!  Can you come teach today at 8:00?"

"…sub?"

"…yes.  Sub.  Can you?"

"a-alright…"

"Thanks Mr. Mirai!"  

Carefully setting the phone back in the cradle, Mirai turned to meet the curious gaze of his Young Mother.  

"That was a lady.  She wants me to do something called 'sub' at a place called Orange Star High.  At 8:00.  What does that mean?"

Bulma and the chibis all sweatdropped, and Bulma shook her head slowly in disbelief.  "That means they want you to teach at the city's high school."

"…high school?  What's that?"

Bulma face-vaulted, then shook her head again.  "And you've already said yes, too…  Oh well, nothing for it!  Come on chibis, lets go!  We're going to go teach a class!"  

She grinned happily- this would be _fun!  Gleefully running back up to her room to get ready, she informed Vegeta of the trip through their bond.  _

The Saiya-jin no Ouji wasn't _nearly as thrilled, but when she promised an extra helping of 'dessert' that night, he was __sort of willing to cooperate.  _

Within half an hour Bulma was ushering them all out the door, several inventions tucked away in her pockets- just in case.  

Not to mention enough food for four Saiya-jins…

* End Flashback *

Dende nodded to himself again.  That _had been rather worthwhile…  _

So far the Briefs hadn't had any classes to teach, which _might be considered a blessing… though it also meant that somewhere in a crowded building, there were four Saiya-jins sitting in close quarters for an extended period of time with no distractions…  _

By the time Gohan was going to get there, Dende was willing to bet that _something would be irrevocably destroyed… Preferably Gohan's social life.  _

Dende smirked.  He had made up his mind over the course of the day- Jade was the kindest, most considerate person he knew.  Not only was she going to reward him at the end of the day, she had opened the doors to Gohan Torture; Dende's new favorite pastime…

~Oh the things I will do with your social life, dear little demi Saiya-jin…~ 

Throwing his head back, Dende let out a laugh that would have been _far more appropriate for a Super Villain than a god…_

*

Chichi whistled happily to herself as she straightened up her books.  She knew that that was the only class that she had, but that wasn't _about to stop her from enjoying the rest of the afternoon locked away in a small classroom with nothing but textbooks and her long dead husband!!!  No, no- of course not!  _

Smiling seductively, she turned towards her oh so manly husband, only to find empty air.  She stamped her foot in frustration and sighed.  He was probably hungry again.

~Damn his stomach!~

Going back to straightening her books, she whistled cheerfully pulling out a dust rag and cleaner and walking around the room, singing to herself as she put the room to order.

It took a couple of seconds for the full impact of the thought to hit her.  _Goku the bottomless pit was wondering the halls in search of food…  _

With a sigh, she stuffed her belongings back in her dimensional pocket and, straightening her clothes, she set out to save the cafeteria from her husband.

*

Videl sighed and propped herself up on her elbows, looking down at Gohan's back.  This was the first time she'd seen the boy without a shirt on… She hadn't realized he was _so damn __fine!!!  _

Mentally whacking herself for daring to think such feminine thoughts, Videl took the fighter's way of studying the back in front of her… 

It _still looked pretty damn fine… _

~How in Kami's name did the bookworm get so _muscular???  …and those look like __battle scars!!!~ _

In shock, Videl ran her fingers along the lengths of several scars on Gohan's back.  

"Son-kun…you certainly _have been keeping secrets…"  _

Muttering softly to herself, Videl continued to trace the scars absentmindedly.  Anything to keep her from thinking _girly thoughts about Gohan! _

*

Goku walked down the hall, whistling cheerfully and greeting students as he passed.  He was hungry, and he wanted _food!  _

Suddenly he stumbled, and, glancing down, found a pile of teenagers on the floor in the middle of the hallway.  Unable to just stand there and ponder the situation –given the fact that he was currently _falling– he reached out to steady himself.  _

Now, we must remember the fact that for the past seven years Goku has been training with other fighters- of whom most wear weighted clothing.  Given this, it shouldn't be surprising that the first thing he grabbed to steady himself was the voluminous white shirt of the top-most teen on the pile.  Imagine his surprise to find absolutely no resistance!  Rather, the shirt came off in his hands!

Goku stumbled backwards, again thrown off balance.  Steadying himself with his ki, Goku began inspecting his new possession.

*

Sharpener continued snapping pictures as the guy from the last class walked up, tripped over his friends, and pulled off Videl's shirt.  Sharpener's eyes bugged out and he continued snapping pictures of Videl's now bare torso.  (a/n: she's still wearing a bra you hentai freaks!!!)

Suddenly he looked up at the object the man –Goku, yes, that was his name!- Goku was inspecting.  Videl's shirt!  

Abandoning the camera in preference of the object he'd wanted to get his hand's on since he first met her, Sharpener lunged at Goku, aiming to take possession of the shirt.

*

With a smirk, Dende transported the camera from where it lay on the floor of OSH, to his Lookout.  Smiling happily, he called to Mr. Popo to bring him a computer- _with internet connection.  What better way of ruining Gohan's life then posting the pictures on the world wide web?_

*

Goku stared at the human boy who was currently in the process of throwing himself at Goku.  Goku blinked.  Why ever would he want to do that? 

As soon as Sharpener grasped the cloth he tugged, positive that he could overpower the brute by sheer surprise.  Unfortunately for Sharpener, he took Goku by neither surprise nor strength.  Instead, Goku tugged at the cloth and sent Sharpener flying across the hall to smack into the lockers twenty feet away- making a dent and getting knocked unconscious all at once.

Goku blinked in confusion, then shrugged and went back to inspecting the remnants of Videl's shirt.  

*

Chichi bustled out of the room and scanned the hallway for her mate.  He shouldn't be _too hard to find after all….  She caught sight of his back just as he sent a young blond boy sailing.  Eyes narrowing, Chichi pulled out her Frying Pan- she had the feeling she was going to need it._

She blinked in astonishment as she caught sight of the pile in the middle of the hallway.  Her baby was laying on top of one girl, his shirt off, with a shirtless girl on top of _him!!!_

"GOOOOOOHAAAAAAAN!!!"

Lucky for Gohan, he was still passed out and safely in La La Land…  Poor Goku wasn't so lucky, and he chose that moment to show Chichi the shirt.

"Hey Chi, look!"

Chichi's eyes narrowed even more, and even Goku could sense the irritation seeping out of his wife.  Screaming at the top of her lungs, Chichi took off after the poor Goku brandishing her Frying Pan.

*

Master Roshi, Yamcha, and Pu'ar stared in blank faced astonishment as the scene unfolded in front of them.  Blood dribbled down from Roshi's nose as he watched Goku rip of the teenager's shirt. 

~Mmmmm, yummy…~

Yamcha blinked a couple of times, then rubbed his eyes with his fists, hoping to make the scene disappear.  

No such luck.  Suddenly he allowed a small smirk to spread across his face.

"So, I ask again- what's going on, and why weren't we invited?!"

Master Roshi shrugged, not breaking his gaze for a second.  It was times like these he wished he carried around a camera…

*

Vegeta growled as he struggled to meditate despite the loud talking of the brats and the woman.  He'd been trying to meditate for several hours with no success.  At this rate he wasn't planning to sleep for a _couple of nights…_

He opened his eyes and glared at each of his family members in turn.  His brat and the Kakabrat were in one corner whispering to each other, the woman was sitting on the floor, tools and blueprints spread in front of her, working happily, and the Mirai brat was alternately talking with the woman, helping her, and trying to meditate- all with _far more success than Vegeta._

No longer able to take it, Vegeta got to his feet, walked over to the chibi brats, and grabbed them by their ears.  He needed a spar, and he needed it _now.  Dragging them out the door, he ignored their squawks of protest and led them out to the front of the high school._

"Alright brats- we're going to spar, got it?"

Goten and Trunks yelped again as he tossed them into the ground in front of him.  Muttering protests under their breaths, they got into fighting stances, only for Vegeta to disappear and hit them from behind. 

With that, the spar was on.  

More like the _beating was on, now that I think about it… The chibis were getting pounded into the dust by all of Vegeta's pent up frustration._

*

One of the alarmed students pulled out their cell-phone; this wasn't right!  She just _had to get someone on the scene that could save the poor darlings from the evil man!_

"Hello, officer?  I'm calling from Orange Star High School… some weirdo is trying to kill two little kids! …You'll send someone right over?!  Oh _thank you!"  _

With that, Alix hung up her phone and retreated a safe distance away to wait for help to arrive…

*

Videl's watch beeped, calling her out of her Gohan-induced trance.  She blinked a couple of times and looked down at the offending watch.  "Uh…hi?  Videl here…"

"Videl-san?  Good!  We just got a call telling us that there's a _situation out in front of your school!  Can you take care of it?"_

"Sure officer."  Videl sighed and contemplated how in Kami's name she was going to get Gohan to let go of her.  

As if hearing and answering her plea, a solution came into her mind… Looking around herself for a moment, Videl's eyes fell on a frying pan laying beside her.  

~That's weird…there wasn't anything there a minute ago…~  

Shrugging slightly, Videl picked it up anyways.  Time for action!

*

Dende smiled as the human girl found his present… every future mate of a Saiya-jin needed her very own Frying Pan… It was a fact of life!  

Even to an asexual teenage god, it was obvious that this black haired she-devil would mate with Gohan- hell, she had been so entranced by Gohan's bare _back that she hadn't noticed that blond boy's picture taking, felt Goku rip off her shirt, __or heard Chichi's scream…_

Dende smirked again and leaned forward, motioning Mr. Popo to bring him yet another Pina Colada.

*

Gohan was dreaming pleasant dreams of food when, suddenly, his dream was interrupted by a fierce, Frying Pan induced pain in his head.  He yelped slightly, coming awake immediately to find his face nestled between two _very soft lumps… _

Suddenly his face drained of blood as certain things connected in his brain, and he took stock of what position _exactly his body was in… Slowly lifting his head up, he gazed down at a grinning Erasa.  He watched in horror, blood flowing quickly back up to his face as the blonde took a long drag from the cigarette that had magically appeared in her hand and blew a heart shaped smoke ring into his face.  _

Gohan felt himself disconnecting with reality yet again- this was too much!  But he was rudely called back from the brink of blessed oblivion by a voice shouting in his ear.

"Oh no you don't Son Gohan! You are going to release me this second!"

The blood drained from his face _again. (a/n: poor gohan's a bloody __strobe light!!!^^)  _

White faced, he took stock of what was on _top of him rather than just what was __beneath.  _

There was someone named _Videl on his back… and he had the __strangest feeling that there was nothing between them in the way of clothing…_

Looking down at himself he was aware of a rather embarrassing new development- he didn't have a shirt on!!!  

Not even waiting for the blood to rush back up to his face, Gohan leapt off of Erasa (much to her dismay, I'm sure) and clung onto the hanging lights on the ceiling, shaking with suppressed fear.  What was going on here???

Something strange apparently, because when he looked down, he was faced with a shocked Videl hanging several feet above the ground, shirtless, suspended by Gohan's re-grown tail.

~woah, woah, woah… my TAIL?!?!~  

Numb with shock, Gohan wiggled his tail experimentally.  A foot below him, Videl wiggled.  

He slowly lifted his tail closer to him.  Videl was now _less than a foot below him._

Entranced as he was by the fact his tail had grown back, Gohan didn't register Videl's possession of a Frying Pan until it whacked his tail with as much force as the angry human girl could muster.  Gohan shrieked in pain and both came tumbling out of the air.  

Gohan blinked his eyes a few times and slowly tried to sit up, only to collapse back in pain- Videl was on top of his tail, and he was on top of her- rendering it impossible for either to get up without causing intense pain to the poor demi Saiya-jin.  Whimpering slightly, Gohan looked down to find his face mere inches from Videl's.  

Videl grunted slightly as Gohan landed on top of her.  Opening her mouth to scream at him, she stopped suddenly as she realized that their noses were practically touching.  Now, normally this wouldn't have caused the strong-willed fighter to even blink, but suddenly she found herself falling silent- completely loosing herself in the black depths that were Gohan's eyes.  If she didn't know better, she would have sworn she was in –what did Erasa call it?  Oh yes- sworn that she was in love with Gohan… But she knew herself better than that…  Didn't she?

Gohan felt himself sinking lower and lower into the depthless blue pools that were the eyes of Videl Satan- Daughter of the Biggest Fraud in the history of the world… If he hadn't known better he might actually have thought that he was in love with this she-devil… But no, she hated him!  He couldn't _possibly_ love her… Could he?

*

Dende watched the young couple and tittered slightly- the alcohol was getting to him…  Snickering slightly, Dende leaned forward, waiting for the exact right time to strike… almost… almost…  Suddenly Gohan let the Saiya-jin side of him come to the fore, and he slowly lowered his head to kiss Videl.  Her eyes closed, and her lips parted…  Dende held his breath.  Almoooost…

Their lips brushed and Dende struck.

*

Gohan couldn't believe it- he was going to kiss _Videl_!  But he couldn't stop himself…  He knew she was going to kill him for it, but he was going to try anyways.  Right as their lips brushed, something hit Gohan.  

With a gasp of surprise, Gohan rolled off of Videl- and kept on rolling due to the fact that his so newly acquired tail had decided to play hide and seek…

~…DeeeeeeenDEEEEEEEEE!!!!~

Enraged, Gohan leapt to his feet, too angry at this point to care what the other teenagers saw and heard.

"DAMN YOU DENDE!!!"  Seething, Gohan didn't register the fact that his eyes had flickered to a steady aqua blue…  "_Damn_it Dende!  I don't _care if you're Kami, I'm going to tear you into a million pieces and scatter you to the ends of the Earth!!! You'll be in so many pieces that not even __Shenlong will be able to gather them all!!!"  Ranting and raving, Gohan stormed down the hallways in search of an exit- He had a god to fricassee._

*

A couple of feet away, one girl leaned over towards her friends.  "Hey Burenda- who's Gohan talking to?"  

"Oh!  Sorry Halo, I'm not sure- I wasn't listening. Too busy drooling over that _hot body of his!"  _

"…You've got a point there… He _is hot without his shirt on.  Just __look at those __muscles!!!  Hey Maria!  Check it out- Gohan took his shirt off!" _

"Yeah… and to think we always accused him of being a skinny bookworm!"  The giggling trio walked on, looking over their shoulders frequently until they rounded a bend in the hallway.

*

Videl sat up and blinked her eyes in an attempt to clear the hearts that were currently doing the disco in her eyes.  She stared in amazement as Gohan ranted to the roof, then began stalking through the hallways intently.  She slowly brought her fingers up to touch her lips.  Had shy little Son Gohan almost kissed her? 

Suddenly she pulled herself out of her self-induced trance and back to reality- she still needed answers from the boy.  Not to mention the fact that she needed to hustle her buns outside to the front of the school…

Sighing, she hopped to her feet and took off down the hall in a sprint, not even bothering to notice the fact that she was only wearing her lacy black under-wire push-up bra.  

(a/n: t-chan: …um, lexi? Since when did _videl wear that kind of bra?  lexi: …since dende became a manipulative little twerp intent on destroying gohan's life.  t-chan: oh! Okay then!)_

*

Master Roshi (as well as every guy in eye distance) could feel his blood pressure rising as he watched the scandalously clad Videl get hoisted into the air, then sprawl into a seductive pile on the floor (complete with sexy background music provided for every male listener by our favorite god^~), then get to her feet and run through the halls wearing only the afore-mentioned bra (boing! boing!) and some tiny black spandex biker shorts- leaving a trail of shell-shocked guys and bloody noses in her wake… (a/n: as well as the longest run-on sentence I've ever written^^)

Too bad for Sharpener that he was still 'out'… (a/n: *laughs evilly*)

*

Gohan stalked around the final corner and burst out of the school, only to be faced by the small-scale war on the quad [1]. (a/n: or a small-scale spar if you look at it from the Saiya-jin's view…)  With a growl of annoyance, Gohan walked forward and plucked his little brother out of midair.

"And _what exactly do you think __you are doing?"_

Goten's eyes opened wide as he looked into the face of his captor- he had never realized how _scary his older brother could be when he was only half-way through the transformation to SSJ!_

"Uh…sparring with Uncle Vegeta?"

Gohan threw his little brother to the ground, ignoring him as he scampered off to safety, and whirled to face Vegeta- who was still punching his son rapidly in a vain effort to let out some of his anger without doing something that would make the woman mad at him- such as ki blasting a pen for instance.  No- he knew better then that.  It was safer by far to simply pound their only son into a bloody pulp…

"VEGETA!!!"

To everyone's surprise, Gohan's call actually captured the attention of the arrogant prince.

"_What are you __doing?!"_

Vegeta sneered at the eldest Kakabrat.  "Sparring baka.  What else would the mighty prince of the Saiya-jins be doing?!"

Gohan narrowed his eyes and glared.  "If you really want me to answer that, then you'll have to wait- there's virgin ears around."  Sneering, Gohan gestured at the students standing around the outskirts of the unofficial sparring zone.

Vegeta smirked.  He must be rubbing off on the elder spawn of Kakarott!  "Forget it Kakabrat.  Lets just get on with it, shall we?"

Gohan returned his smirk and both Saiya-jins lowered themselves into their flawless fighting stances, the chibis skidaddling for safety- grateful for the escape.

Before the new sparring match could begin, however, Videl stomped into the middle of their alleged fighting ground, steam practically pouring out of her ears.

"Alright, _somebody had better tell me what's going on here, right __now or there'll be hell to pay!!!"_

Spying an opening, Alix ran forward and pointed at Vegeta.  "That man was trying to beat two little children to death!  Then Gohan here came out and saved the black haired chibi and distracted the big meanie while both the kids got away!"  She turned towards Gohan, eyes shining with hero worship.  

Gohan rolled his eyes, but eased out of his fighting stance in preference of blinking cluelessly at Videl, eyes having returned to their normal black.  

Videl glared at him in rage- every time she got close to getting the answers about Son Gohan, all she ever got was more questions!  Such as how the hell he had such a flawless fighting stance!  Until she had seen that, she could have _sworn the boy didn't know what fighting __meant, despite all those muscles…  Forcing her eyes off of Gohan's muscular chest, she turned her glare towards the alleged child abuser._

"Alright Mister- I'm afraid I'm going to have to put you under arrest for attempted murder."

Vegeta's eyes widened for a split second before narrowing back into his preferred Death Glare™.  

"And what the hell for?"

Videl growled softly- how stupid could people _possibly get???  "I just _told_ you- attempted murder!"_

Vegeta raised an eyebrow.  "Don't be stupid, human (if that's at all possible)- I don't _attempt murder, I _commit_ it."  As if to prove his point, Vegeta raised his hand and fired an absentminded ki blast at one of the innocent students on the sidelines.  At least, it was weak by _his_ standards, but it was still more than enough to kill poor little Yuri Hayabusa.  _

Gohan sighed and rolled his eyes- oh the joys of being 'friends' with Vegeta… 

"_Kami_ Vegeta, that was _hardly necessary- If you wanted to prove your point you should blow up something that wont come back and bite you in the ass.  At the rate you're going you'll __never get into heaven!  When I asked dad a while ago, he told me that King Yemma[2] has a whole file cabinet devoted to you- and it's bigger than Frieza's and Cell's put together!"_

Videl looked _really _confused, but Vegeta smirked proudly.  "Damn straight third-class!  I, the almighty Saiya-jin no Ouji, am high above all others- especially in vindictive killings.  Besides- a third of those deaths are just worthless little humans!  Not only are they annoying, but they're damned plentiful too!  Killing a few here and there wont hurt anything, anyways- even an ex super villain needs his daily dose of deaths."  

"Whatever floats your boat, Vegeta- I don't really give a shit about what you do in your spare time.  However- killing students in my High School is _not acceptable.  To make up for killing what's-his-face over there, you have to collect the Dragon Balls for me so we can wish him back.  Not to mention erase this whole f*cking day out of these baka's memories…"_

Vegeta snarled at Gohan and flashed Super Saiya-jin- earning many gasps of disbelief from the students.  

"MAKE ME THIRD-CLASS!!!"

"FINE YOUR ROYAL PAIN IN THE ASS!!!"  

Gohan joined the prince in SSJ, then boosted up to SSJ2.  With a cry, they flung themselves at each other and the spar began.

*

[1] Oooooh… I decided to do those cool little numerical reading notes! ^^ At my high school we have a big grassy area with trees in front where we can eat our lunch and walk through to get to class and such that we call the quad- thus the name for it at Gohan's school… I'm not sure if other schools do that to, we're rather singular… *sweatdrops*

 [2] King Yemma- is that right? I'm not really sure about the kais and kings and such… -_-;;

A/N: *snickering uncontrollably* that was sooooo much fun to write!!!  And it's only the first half of 'lunchtime' too… D MWAHAHAHAAAA

T-chan: -_-;; Lexi… you will never change, will you…

*smirks* of course not! XD

Thanks go to the following for allowing me to 'borrow' their names= DragonKitty (Alix), Burenda, Maria Cline, Halo(HaloGatomon), and Yuri Hayabusa (Psycho Gotenks).  Go read their fics!  Especially 'Even Dragons Cry' by DragonKitty, 'Chibi Vegeta' by Burenda, 'Normal Friends From Strange Places' by Maria Cline, and any of Halo's many fics. (sorry Yuri- don't know any of your fics, if you have some… ^^`)


	7. What's going on!

I'm really sorry that this chapter has taken so long, but I've got such bad writer's block that it's not even funny. '

T-chan:: *snickers* not to mention the fact that SHE just had midterms…

Lexi:: *snarls and mutters evil things under her breath*

Disclaimer:: *grins ecstatically* I can't believe it! I actually managed to get a hold of the rights for DB/Z/GT!!! *eyes glow happily* We all signed a document, and as long as I keep that document… *looks around for it* *gets frantic when she can't find it* VEGETA!!! Do you know where the Rights are???

Vegeta:: *blinks a few times* You mean a stack of white papers that looked really official?

Lexi:: *nods in relief* Yeah… Where are they?

Vegeta:: *shrugs* Kakarott ate them.

Lexi:: O.O``` *starts screaming obscenities unfit for anything rated below NC-17*

*

Videl stared at the place where the two golden fighters had been standing mere nano-seconds before.  She was riveted to the spot… until the first shock wave hit, of course.  Then she, like everyone else within the vicinity of the fight, went tumbling unceremoniously to the ground.  Videl growled in frustration and tightened her fist, trying to force her benumbed mind into working enough so that she could make them stop.  As much as she hated school, she didn't think it would be very good for it to collapse because she failed to stop a fight in the quad…

*

Bulma sighed as Vegeta pulled the two little boys out the door.  

~Vegeta will always be Vegeta, I suppose…~  

Turning her attention back to Mirai, the two geniuses continued discussing and disproving various theories of famous scientists.

*

Goku yelped as the Frying Pan crashed onto his skull yet again.  He couldn't figure out how his wife did it… In all reality, Chichi should _never have been fast enough to catch him, let alone strong enough to actually make her blows __hurt…  Stumbling under yet another blow to the head, the desperate Goku grabbed the nearest person and cowered behind them, holding the startled guy like a shield._

*

Yamcha laughed at the look on Roshi's face as the scantily clad girl raced down the hall.  He kept chuckling as he watched poor Goku get chased around the room by his crazy Frying Pan bearing mate.  That is to say – he kept chuckling until 'poor Goku' decided that he'd make a good shield.  Now it was 'poor Yamcha'…

*

Roshi could feel the blood trickling down from his nose, but he didn't care.  That girl was a _turn on!!!  She was even better than his morning aerobics program, and __that was saying something.  Finally coming out of his flesh induced stupor, Master Roshi took the time to notice the fact that he was literally __surrounded by hot teenage girls… Struggling to suppress the excited giggle welling up in his throat, he sneaked a look at Yamcha.  He smirked happily when he saw that his 'chaperone' was completely occupied with avoiding being caught between Chichi's Frying Pan and it's favored destination, Pu'ar busily occupied trying to help his friend.  Grinning ear to ear, the perverted old man tip-toed down the hall, intent on reaching his destination:: The Orange Star High Girl's Locker Room._

*

Goten and Trunks sighed in relief as they scooted around the corner, out of sight from the dueling Saiya-jins.

"Well, that was sure close!"  
"Yeah, I've never been so glad to see your nii-chan in my life! … Well, maybe not, but I was still really glad to see Gohan!"

Goten nodded in agreement to Trunks's amended statement, and the two looked at each other for a minute or so, then burst into helpless snickers.

"Did you _see the look on his face when he saw us sparring dad???"_

"Yeah, he looked really mad!  And did you see the look on Uncle Vegeta's face when that girl tried to stop him???"

"Ooooooh yeah! It made me wish that I carried around a camera!"

The two boys continued to laugh hysterically, making similar comments and watching the spar with interest. 

*

Chichi growled angrily as Goku hid behind one of the innocent bystanders.  Well, too bad for the bystander, 'cause Son Chichi wasn't one for mercy towards those who got in her way!  With an angry whoosh, the Frying Pan sailed down towards the head of the poor bystander.  It would have connected, too, if it hadn't been for Chichi recognizing her latest victim-to-be as none other than Yamcha.  Chichi blinked a few times, Frying Pan suspended in the air.  The manners she'd been so careful about teaching Gohan took over her confused mind, and she smiled cheerfully.

"Hello Yamcha!  It's nice to see you again!  How have you been?"  Without waiting for a response, she cocked her head to the side and continued.  "I would suggest getting out of the way, dear.  Mr. Frying Pan has an urgent meeting with Goku's overly thick skull, and you're blocking the road."

Yamcha sweatdropped, then nodded agreeably as he tried to escape the clutches of the frightened Goku.  "Sure think Chichi-san… Let me see if I can detach myself from your husband."  

Unfortunately for the poor human, Goku wasn't considered the world's strongest for nothing.  No matter how hard he tried, Yamcha just couldn't manage to free himself from Goku's clutches!  Again, unfortunately for the poor human, Chichi had no qualms about getting rid of road blocks – one of the many reasons she'd never been able to get her driver's license… but that's a different story altogether.  Anyway, like I was saying: Chichi didn't even think twice about conking Yamcha over the head with just as much force as she used with her boys – it was a miracle that Yamcha only toppled to the floor, stunned and conveniently out of Chichi's way.

Goku squeaked at the look his wife was giving him, then did the only thing he could think to do: he brought his fingers to his forehead and got the hell out of there!  Chichi growled in frustration, and turned around to look for her eldest son: she had a bone or two to pick with that boy…

*

Dende laughed to himself as he continued to play around with various elements at OSH, completely ignoring the 7.0 earthquake in Alaska…

"Heh heh Gohan… take that for threatening to make Kami meatloaf at of me!"

*

Videl jerked as she suddenly had the strangest urge to pick up a frying pan and beat some sense into the two males that she could no longer see… Except now…

A/N:: *laughs maliciously* HA! Evil cliffhanger… Kudos to those of you who can guess what happens next!

T-chan:: *rolls eyes* not that it should be very hard…

Lexi:: *whacks her for the sake of whacking her^^* Shut up muse.

T-chan:: *obligingly shuts up – for once.*

Vegeta:: Onna, the noise of the baka humans whining for more chapters is grating on my nerves – can I blast them? 

Lexi:: *shakes head* No way 'Geta! Those are my _reviewers! *anime heart eyes*_

Vegeta:: *walks away disgusted*

Lexi:: *smiles at readers* although the more reviews I get, the more ideas I get! ^^ I want to thank those of you who helped me through my hour of intense need *rants on melodramatically*

T-chan:: *rolls eyes and cuts tape* 

p.s. kudos fo to Goku02 for being my 200th reviewer! ^^ Thanks! (and thanks to everyone else who reviewed too – luv you guys!)


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